Grey Like His Name
by SkyDragonRoar
Summary: "He cried for her sadness and her frustration at her own feelings, he cried for not being able to see her smile, cried for not being able to see her blush, cried for his own cowardice that she never knew he felt the same way, until tears were dripping down his face and he suddenly had no more reasons- he just cried because he felt so sad." (Warning-Character death!)


**A/N: Aloha! In case you were wondering, this is an edited version of the fanfiction I posted a few months ago. I decided I didn't like it all that much so I changed parts in the beginning and the ending...I hope you guys like it, regardless!  
**

**Note: Italicised passages are memories, and Juvia isn't talking in third person because I watch the dubbed episodes...**

**This a super-long note...I should stop talking...**

**Disclaimer by Juvia: WHAT?! Juvia DIES in this fanfic?! Wah, Kat-chan, you're so mean! Anyway, you don't own Fairy Tail! Again, you're very mean! Hmph!**

* * *

He thought about it all the time.

_"G-Grey-sama...Please..."_

_"No. Don't. Just...Just a bit longer..."_

The guild, the guild would never be the same without her. It had all happened so fast, so suddenly. It wasn't fair. No-one would ever see her smile again.

It was all his fault. He could never forgive himself for what he did to her. He could never stop thinking about it, he could never stop having nightmares about all of it- She wouldn't leave his mind and neither would the guilt and pain of it all.

It was all Grey's fault that...

That Juvia had died.

_He began to run to her, his chest constricting in fear. No, no, no, no, no. If he had just been a little faster, a little stronger-_

_No. No, he had to get to her right now. _

_It felt like it was taking hours. His lungs were burning and he was gasping, but he refused to stop running until he found her. Agh, where the hell was she?! How far had she been hit?  
_

_Grey skidded to a halt in a forest clearing, gasping for breath as he looked around wildly. His eyes took a moment to adjust to the enveloping darkness, but he eventually found her. Curled up on the ground under the gnarled, drooping branches of forest trees, casting twisted shadows on the ground. _

_But she was moving._

_He exhaled, not realising he'd been holding his breath. Maybe she was ok? He made his way over to her curled form quickly, eager to find out. She had to be alright._

_What would he do without her?_

_"Juvia? Juvia, please. Answer me."_

_"G-grey-sama...Is that you?" She stirred, looking up at him. Her face was ashen, even paler than usual.  
_

_"...Yeah. Yeah, it's me."_

_She looked so...so normal. Her hair was tangled and her hat was askew, but all she bore for physical injuries were a few cuts and bruises on her face and arms. He felt hopeful that maybe she was ok, that it wasn't that bad- but her face was twisted into an expression of such visible pain, even though she was trying to hide it from him. He knew she was hurt badly._

_"Ah...I'm sorry, Grey-sama...I was so stu-"_

_"No." He cut her off abruptly, shaking his head, and done the only thing he could think off to comfort her right now- he took her hand, entwining her fingers with his and grasping them tightly. _

_"No, you weren't stupid. You-you saved me, Juvia. I was the one who was stupid. I wasn't fast enough."_

_"N-no...Please don't say that, Grey-sama. Ah...I feel...so strange..."_

_Grey tightened his grip on her hand, gritting his teeth. _

_"Natsu! Lucy! Erza!" He called frantically and loudly. They had to have seen what had happened. Juvia had been thrown back viciously when she'd thrown herself in front of Grey to protect him.  
_

_If only he was a better mage, then none of this would've happened. _

_He felt like hunting down the man who'd done it and beating him within an inch of his life for hurting her- but he couldn't leave her here, all alone._

_"NATSU! Someone!" Grey called again. He swallowed. His mouth was dry and his throat burned.  
_

_"I-it's no use."_

_He looked down at Juvia, who was smiling. She was smiling, although tears were starting to form in her eyes._

_"H-hey! Don't cry." Grey said, startled, "That idiot better get over here soon, so we can get you out of-"_

_"Grey-sama," Juvia spoke gently, cutting him off, "You know. You know it's no use."_

_"Stop! Don't-don't say that!"_

_"Grey-sama...I-I need to tell you..."_

_"No." Grey shook his head furiously, "No, you don't need to tell me anything because you're not going to die, ok? You can't."_

_"G-Grey-sama...Please..." _

_"No. Don't. Just...just a little bit longer..."_

_"I- I l-love you." Her voice cracked painfully and it broke his heart to hear it.  
_

_She couldn't be telling him this, not now. It meant she knew she was going to die here, it meant she knew now was the time she had to tell him._

_"I...I love you too." Grey barely managed to choke out his words.  
_

_"Ah...You don't need to tell me that..."_

_"It's true. I love you, and you can't die. You can't-"_

_"It's ok...It's ok because I died...protecting who I loved..."_

_Then she stopped speaking to him. She lay there, with that smile on her face, and she closed her eyes slowly. The grip on his hand loosened.  
_

_"Juvia? J-Juvia, please, talk to me...Just for a second..."_

_No answer. _

_Damn it, damn it, damn it! Where's Natsu, where's Lucy or Erza?! Where was anyone? _

_"JUVIA!" _

He knew that she was gone, when she stopped talking to him. He'd told himself over and over again that she looked alright, all she had was some bruises, but he knew that she must have suffered some kind of internal injury deep inside of her, and he couldn't have saved her. That's what everyone told him.

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have saved her."

He should've told her he loved her before, but it was his own stupid fears. He was a coward and the only time he could ever tell her was when she was dying.

He was nothing but a coward.

* * *

The day of her funeral had dawned grey and dull. Heavy rain poured down relentlessly, and the irony of it was painful, reminding them all of her.

The whole guild, every last member, gathered outside in their darkest clothes. Lucy was sobbing, clinging to the front of Natsu's dark suit as he held her, his expression fierce, like he was trying not to cry for her sake.

Makarov had stepped up in front of them all, his teeth gritted and his jaw set firmly, solemn in a black suit.

"We're all here today to mourn the loss of a member of our own." He began, his voice shaking visibly. "Juvia was a valuable part of our guild and a friend of us all- and our family will never be the same with out her!"

Tears were silently pouring down his cheeks now as he dragged an arm across his face.

"But we can never forget her as long as any of us live- We owe that to Juvia, our friend and part of our family!"

The little old man, long given up on wiping the tears away from his face, raised his hand in the familiar one-fingered salute- the sign of Fairy Tail.

One by one, each member of the guild raised their own hand in salute to her.

Grey waited, fists clenched and teeth gritted, until the damn funeral was over and everyone had left. Then, he fell to his knees and cried and yelled in anguish as he unleashed every emotion he'd held in out into the air, pounding the muddy ground with his fists and splashing his black suit with mud, until Natsu had come back for him and dragged him back to the guild.

Afterwards, he changed. He drank, he stopped taking missions, he isolated himself from his friends.

He had become grey, like his name, lifeless and heartbroken.

* * *

Grey was woken by a thrashing on his apartment door. He stirred at the table where he'd fallen asleep last night with his head resting on his arms, empty bottles of alcohol strewn around the kitchen. Grey groaned, staggering to his feet and stumbling over to his door, bleary-eyed. But before he could even yell at whoever it was to leave him alone, the door crashed open and Natsu stormed in angrily, with Lucy trailing nervously behind him.

"Try not to hurt him, Natsu." She said anxiously, her hands clasped together.

He ignored her and stormed over to Grey, seizing him by the front of his shirt roughly.

"You bastard," Natsu snarled, dangerously close to his face, "What the HELL do you think you're doing?"

Grey stared at him with a blank expression, asking, "...What do you mean?"

"You know DAMN WELL what I mean!" Natsu roared. "Where have you been, you bastard- you haven't spoken to any of us in weeks! You haven't even come to the guild since her fu-"

Natsu was cut off as Grey suddenly slapped a hand over his mouth, shoving him off him roughly.

"Don't say it." He said, his eyes steely, "Don't you dare say it, Natsu."

"Juvia's funeral!" Natsu exploded, "Juvia Lockser's God damn freakin' funeral!"

"N-Natsu..." Lucy stammered, "Maybe you should stop this..."

"He needs to hear this." Natsu growled, glaring fiercely at the dark-haired mage in front of him. "You haven't said a damn thing since then, Grey. Do you have any idea how worried everyone in the guild was? You're our FRIEND. How could you cut yourself off like that when you clearly needed us?"

"Stop acting like you know how I feel, you moron." Grey said bitterly. His fists were clenched tightly.

"Of course I know what it's like! You weren't the only one who lost Juvia, Grey- she was OUR friend, too!"

Something inside of Grey finally snapped and he yelled back viciously at Natsu.

"I LOVED her!" He roared, "Do you hear me? I was in love with her and I never told her until she was dying! So DON'T come around here telling me you know how it feels because you DON'T, Natsu! You never will!" He was breathing heavily, his fists clenched at his sides. An icy silence lay between them until Natsu finally spoke up again.

"Fine." He said curtly, his glare fierce, "Fine, maybe I don't know. But you're an idiot for isolating yourself like this. We're supposed to be your friends, Grey. We could help you if you'd let us."

He turned on his heel and stormed out of Grey's apartment, having said his last words. Lucy started to follow him, then hesitated, turning back to Grey and taking something from her jacket pocket.

"Here." She said tentatively, handing him a folded-up envelope. "We went by her room in the dorm earlier, and this was there, adressed to you- you don't have to read it, Grey, but I think you should. I'd better go find Natsu. Goodbye...and take care." She nodded at him quickly and exited his apartment to chase after Natsu before he destroyed everything in anger.

Grey stared at the letter in his hands- should he open it? Maybe he didn't want to. Maybe it would just remind him too painfully of her. But...what could she have been writing to him? He edged the corned of it open, about to reach inside, but his stomach lurched and he shoved it back inside, casting the envelope aside and walking away, his heart pounding wildly.

It stayed there for most of the night as he glanced back at it constantly, torn- he didn't want to open it and be reminded of her, but at the same time, he longed to know what she had been writing that she hadn't felt brave enough to say out loud. His curiousity finally got the better of him and he took the letter from where he'd left it and tore it open, sitting down heavily on a chair in the kitchen to read it.

_Dear Grey-sama,_

_Ah, I don't really know where to start with this letter...I've been writing and re-writing it for the longest time in fear of my words not getting through to you like I want them to. I don't even know why I'm writing them down in a letter like this- I guess I'm a little afraid to say them out loud to you? But anyway, if I choose to actually give you this letter instead of just keeping it-because even the thought of you reading this makes me nervous-I hope it won't bother you or anything. I just really, really need to tell you, alright?_

_The thing is...I love you._

_Grey-sama, I love you with all my heart and I'm tired of simply standing by and dreaming of anything more than a friendship with you without actually doing anything about my feelings. If I'm being perfectly honest here, Grey-sama-how could you possibly not have noticed by now? I think men's minds work differently than women's do because you don't seem to notice how I feel at all, and Natsu remains oblivious to Lucy's feelings too- do you choose to ignore it, or do you really just not see? _

_But my point is, I've loved you for the longest time and I really, really wanted you to know that. Even if you fall in love with some other girl, you know it'll make me sad because I want you to love me-does that make me selfish? But anyway, even if you do fall in love with someone else, I admit, I'll be sad for a little while, but I'll be happy because whoever that person is will make you happy-and you'll make that person feel happy and lucky to have you because you're a wonderful person, Grey-sama. Some might say otherwise- you fight with Natsu a lot and you can be quite blunt, but you really are and you should know I think that. Well, I suppose that I should stop writing this now...I'll just start rambling and the letter will have lost it's meaning. I hope you can accept my feelings, or at least understand them..._

_Just always remember that I love you, alright?_

_With all my love,_

_Yours,_

_Juvia._

The ink at the bottom of her letter began to smudge and Grey realised it was because his tears had dripped onto the paper.

He was crying for the first time since her funeral.

He cried for her sadness and her frustration at her own feelings, he cried for not being able to see her smile, cried for not being able to see her blush, cried for his own cowardice that she never knew he felt the same way, until tears were dripping down his face and he suddenly had no more reasons- he just cried because he felt so sad.

He dragged a hand across his eyes, clutching her letter- how could he have been so selfish, all this time?

Juvia died protecting him and it would be a waste of her life to throw his own away.

He made a promise to himself right there and then-

He would never let himself forget her, as long as he lived.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked the rewritten version! Sniff, sniff- that was the saddest thing I've ever written! I feel so bad for killing Juvia...I'm sorry, Fairy Tail! I know Grey and Juvia were a bit OOC, but y'know, Juvia's never died and sent Grey into a deep depression, so...yeah...Anyway, reviews are love! Thank you! ^-^**

**Also note: If I stop posting on any of my stories randomly anytime soon, I'll tell you why now- it's because I may be having computer trouble. I don't know yet what'll happen but my laptop's being a bit strange lately and I think I might've damaged the screen...so if you think I've abandoned any stories, I haven't- just computer trouble!**


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